News Archive
The Really Old Stuff
May 2001 - March 2002
21 May 2001
Dondo Missing (Again)
PGA pilot Dondo has gone missing again.Dondo leaves BFI
Last seen heading south towards San Jose in a home-built contraption called a "SoloTrek" (see picture at right), coffeepot calculations had Dondo arriving sometime between a few hours and a few weeks. After losing a few bucks playing poker with the coffeepot crowd, Cap'n Geoff decided that sometime after the "few hours" had passed was the time to initiate a search and rescue operation. With Dondo's faithful hedgehog, Daisy, flying right seat and acting as navigator (everyone knows hedgehogs are better than bloodhounds when it comes to finding downed pilots), Geoff headed south in the Citation to search for the hapless adventurer.
"He'd been working on that thing every spare moment for weeks!" commented Dondo's friend, Hostile. "I think he's nuts, myself. I mean, I guess it'd be a fun thing to fly...unless the engines quit. It's glide-ratio is probably that of a brick, or a fat pilot." Hostile then went back to polishing his very own newly-acquired Cessna 152.
Any pilots who happen to be flying around anywhere on the west coast (or by now maybe the east coast, and places in between, as well... in fact, let's just include the crew over at PGA (UK), as well, shall we?) should keep an eye out for signs of a man hanging between two ceiling fans.
Forest Fire Threatens Pacific Northwest
Reports from the North California forest service have it that a large brush fire broke out "somewhere between Seattle and San Francisco" a few hours after it was finally decided that PGA pilot Dondo was missing. While some have commented that this is precisely on the flight path which Dondo might possibly have taken in his attempted flight, and went on to further casually mention that avgas is really quite flammable, the Boss adamantly denies that Dondo would have gone that way at all. In a prepared statement issued earlier today, the Boss made her position clear: "Any PGA planes that have been diverted to that area are carrying buckets full of water to assist in quenching the forest fire and absolutely are NOT looking for Dondo. In fact, I don't even think we have a pilot named Dondo... isn't that one of the Oakland Air Charters pilots?"
Meanwhile, it seems that there have been a few problems with the makeshift water-delivery systems hastily installed by PGA pilots and mechanics in every available PGA plane. Tower controllers in both the San Francisco and Seattle areas have complained that somehow the systems manages to accidentally dump just as the aircraft are passing over a control tower. An amazing coincidence, isn't it?
Top Pilots
We're still perfecting the tracking system for this... Top Pilots should be reinstated soon!
Promotions
* David Morgan (1014) has been promoted to Captain
* Mr Boss (1007) has been promoted to galley slave
Congratulations all!
Bjorn's Pilot's Mysteriously Disappear... Again
For the third time since he became a supervisor, Bjorn Henjum has reported that none of his pilots have been turning in PIREPs and has requested that he be issued a new set of pilots from whom he can derive some income and feed his family. The special aid fund which had already been created to counter this tragic problem in the past has been reinstated, and we're happy to say that owing (big - nice choice of words there) to a minor cut to the aircraft repairs budget his financial future is not in immediate danger. However, if any of Bjorn's pilots (past or present!) are alive to read this, please report in because we're really worried about you...
Extra Speed Bumps at SJC
Despite that there have been no reported problems with speeding along the back access road to the PGA facility at San Jose, nineteen new speed bumps have been laid out along that way. These are apparently of a new design - roughly 6 - 7 ft in length and perhaps three feet wide instead of stretching all the way across the road as usual. The Department of Transportation disclaims knowledge of these speed bumps, which probably means that it's a new experimental design they're trying out without going through the usual two-year administrative procedural process for the approval of speed bump design. Supervisor Bjorn Henjum was seen driving his car over and over one bump in particular, running over it first forward and then backwards with an odd sort of grin on his face. We assume he was testing his newly replaced shock absorbers and fenders.
RALLY Being Planned
Philippe "Mr. Boss" Damerval is looking to organise a rally - 2 to 3-hour flight with riddles and puzzles at the end of which the winners carry off loads of cash.
Basically, what it entails is meeting on ICQ or yahoo chats and receiving a flight plan accompanied by some IQ-type questions and questions pertaining to the world of Flight Unlimited II or III. There will be stops along the route, at which every pilot must check in and return to the common online chat to answer a riddle and collect a clue. Then the flight goes on. Time is of the essence, but questions carry enough bonus time (or penalty time if answered wrong) so that speed might not entirely matter. The winner is the one who completes the flight plan the quickest, taking into account his flight time and whatever bonuses or penalties he/she will have gathered during their flight. All participants will of course be required to fly the same plane, though you may be required to fly a different plane on a particular leg of the mission. Certain points on the route will also bear questions which, if answered correctly, will give the participant the right to use another plane. Crashes will naturally disqualify a participant. To accomodate those who still remain faithful to FUII, the entire mission will take place in the Bay area and the aircraft available will be the Trainer, the Arrow, the Baron, the Mustang, the Beaver and the Fokker. Because of the tremendous span of time zones, it may be necessary to run this rally at two separate times. We'll sort this out in due course. Anyone interested, please e-mail Mr Boss at pga1007@blueyonder.co.uk.
Really, we assume that this is yet another ploy by Mr Boss to get away from Mrs. Boss.
Lukexcom's Plane Wash
After presumptiously addressing the Mr Boss by his given name, supervisor Lukexcom spent the day hand-washing planes at Boeing Field. He really should be more careful to be certain Mrs Boss is not within earshot before taking such liberties...
PILOT REPORTS
21 May 2001
Christopher "Redline" Dworjan (1120) made a hot and fast run to Diamond Point in the Mooney, making a straight-in approach and commenting that short of using the Beechjet it couldn't have been made faster. He recommended early maintenance be done on the engine. The mechanic agrees that "early maintenance" would have been good - early as in something like ten minutes before he arrived at Diamond Point. He would like to have a little discussion with Dworjan next time he's at BFI. Something about a cracked cylinder head?
John "Turn WHAT?" Wilding (1121) would like to find the sadist who is responsible for all of these PPL missions where non-lit runways are part of the itinerary for night missions. He reports he must have flown back and forth for 30 minutes at 50-100 ft looking for this old runway "northwest" of Marin, when in reality it's virtually due north. When he finally found it, he picked up a guy who proceeded to yell at him all the way to Travis about making him wait so long and how he hoped that Wilding hadn't "started a war" by making him so late. Of course, all this yelling kept Wilding from hearing the ILS vectors and his first attempt resulted in a missed approach. When he finally made it in on the second time, it was none too soon for either pilot or passenger. John grumbles about "all that for a mere $950," and says he'll be spending a little extra time at the coffee pot when he gets back to SJC.
John, a handy hint from the coffeepot crew -- next time, unplug the microphone plug for the guy's headset.
Cristian "Uh-oh" Arezzini (1032) had a tough time after he took the Cub for a no-passenger, no-heavy-load mission when he entered into a canyon. Rule number 1 of mountain flying -- never, EVER fly INTO a canyon unless you know you have a way out! Christian, as many others have before him, soon found that terrain was rapidly outclimbing his airplane. Although it was tight, he managed to get it turned around and out without relying upon any miracles. Then he almost ran out of fuel by Tacoma, so made a short stop before proceeding up to look for R&K without aid of a GPS... sounds like a good thing you made that stop for fuel, Christian!
Grant "Go-Around" Muckart (1024) had one of those flights that so clearly illustrate the life of a charter pilot. It was a night flight from San Jose to Rio Vista. He had no troublekeeping on course and following Bay Approach's instructions, maintaining 6000 ft for the duration. Uneventful as could be. Then he was cleared for a frequency change and descent to 2000 ft as he neared the airport. A few minutes after switching to Unicom frequency he found he was not properly aligned with the runway, in addition to being too high and too fast. So he went around and had another go. "No luck!" he says. Too low and slow this time, and he had a "narrow squeak" as he tried to stretch the glide. So around he went again, this time switching off... er, suffering a spontaneous radio failure that kept him from realizing that he was straying into military airspace as he went around. As a result, he had no warning about the other plane that entered the pattern, and his next approach ended in a go-around as the other plane zoomed past him and landed in front of him. Finally, on his "4th or 5th attempt" everything went well enough and he managed a very credible if slightly skewed landing on 14L. He had to clear the runway quickly, however, because there was a Baron on short final behind him.
Just another day in the life of a pilot...
Darby "Needles" Willcox (1013) found himself stuck in the Beechjet with unhelpful weather and low visibility, so in his "ever so politest voice" he asked Betty for vectors ILS. You all know the rest -- within 10 minutes he wanted to kill her. They eventually landed, but the passenger never offered him any shares, so he promptly went and stuck yet another pin in his Bouncing Betty doll.
"Hush hush" Blackadder (1020) returned from a special little job he'd agreed to some months ago for the Boss's associates in... well, where doesn't really matter. Anyway, he went to get some extra parts for a new device, whereupon he discovered the "opposition" was also after the parts. He managed to get back safely, and hoped he could stay low doing some PGA flights while he obtained the details of the missing parts.
He reported in later that his contact in the business had faxed him the details of a safe house in Rio Vista where he would receive further information. Unfortunately, the "safe house" turned out to be a trap. He reports that the Boss's "chaps" have been infiltrated (could this be a reference to PGA (UK)?), and while he managed to get away one of them got a shot at the plane and put a hole in the fuel tank. But he discovered the location of the missing parts, and after finding another plane he headed out to finish the job.
From there it got dicey... he managed to shake "them" again and get his hands on the missing part. However, he thought they had probably heard about the UK job, and so sought to get a message through to Darling while he waited for the next set of instructions from "some chap in some round or was it oval house or room." The instructions came through and were very clear -- park the plane and go to the information desk. There he retrieved a parcel containing a map for SFO, a few dollars, a camera, and a false beard. This last did the trick -- he lost the baddies again and was able to make it to Air UK check-in before they caught up with him. Hopefully he will be able to complete his mission without blowing the lid off the whole situation.... and hopefully he will be able to remember his pilot number, too, as his reporting in as pilot 1022 nearly resulted in a little windfall for Joseph Hallstein!
Dylan "Oops!" Cummins (1016) had a long flight fighting headwinds all the way, with an extra stop in Portland made necessary to take on more fuel. When he made it to San Francisco area, Bouncing Betty gleefully set about vectoring him everywhere but where he wanted to go. Finally, when her sadistic instructions added up to a runway almost in front of him, he banked a little sharply and apparently didn't coordinate well with the rudder as a bit of swearing rose from the back where a drink was spilt. But, as he says, if HE can't drink whilst flying, why should anyone else?
Michael "Always the Same" Turner (1029) is discovering that things really are no different that side of the Pond from this one, except that the weather is worse, the beer is more abundant, and everywhere you go you get "a cuppa tea." Otherwise, the engineers here also have tool boxes as big as houses and twice as heavy, and they like being flown around just as much as engineers from the Bay Area or Seattle.
And Michael, just a bit of friendly advice -- we really suggest you leave the boxes alone if you know what's good for you. Curiosity killing the pilot and all, you know. You might also watch the comments about being out of sight of The Boss and Mr Boss... because, you see, Mr Boss is himself over in the UK and he heard that...
Rolo Mace (1038) took the King Air for a little flight to get some pax from South County and Byron, and says this getting up with the birds is FOR the birds... The Boss's comment to that is birds fly a heck of a lot more than he does, too.
Rick Smith (1114) shall be left to tell his own tale of life as a pilot in the UK...
I'M BAAAA-AAAACK!!! And should I say that it's wonderful to be here in jolly ol' England. But what's up with this rain?!? I mean, Seattle's a parched wasteland compared to this. And another thing, NONE of the airports are where my maps say they are. (OK, maybe I am a little rusty...who wouldn't be with all this rain?) Anyway, I finally landed back at EGKB before my plane choked out on fumes. To celebrate my first solo overseas, Carstairs hauled me out for a bit of pub crawling. I had to sample some of the local fare. The beer is everything I expected...room temp motor oil. That I can get used to. But I was a little disappointed when they brought my basket of fish and chips, all I got was fries. Guess they were out... And then after the locals found out where I was from, they'd all come over to the table asking loudly "Right! What's all this then?" Maybe British humor is a little esoteric for me... Well, I gotta finish this pint and pull Carstairs down off the table so's he can drive me home. Oh, and someone call my mom to have her send my gloves over here, would ya?
Rick, your mum says that she gave your gloves to that nice lady Boss at the FBO in Seattle, and you should talk to her about getting them. But to continue...
Barbed wire and fencing stuff, no problem. I wouldn't call that any kind of contraband, would you? Well, Her majesty's finest weren't quite sure. OK, so maybe I didn't follow the flight plan EXACTLY over London Terminal. And maybe the pilot of that KingAir DID have the right of way on final... but when I rolled to a stop just off RW 35 at EGBE and saw the three RAF choppers setting down and neatly pinning me in, I got a little anxious. When the Royal Marines stormed my cockpit and hustled me to the ground without saying so much as "please" and a gun barrel in my favourite ear, I figured something was up. Acting on an anonymous tip, the boys in black had me pegged as a smuggler hauling, and get this...FERTILIZER! After much ado and a phone call back to Biggin Hill, I was remanded to my own custody with a warning to watch my step. Finally out to tie down the 172, a solitary King Air buzzed field, waggling it's wings in greeting. You know, come to think of it, that Beech had an "N" serial on it...And nobody seems to have heard from Cap'n Dave recently...I wonder...
Compared to my last flight, this was cake. Let's see: 1)A "rush" job; absoultely, positively has to be there 5 MINUTES AGO!! 2)Where do I sleep? De plane Boss, de plane!! 3)Norman, the kleptomaniac dispatcher from Midlands Region. Yet another colorful and charming individual with which to interact with on an ongoing basis...
Apart from the #%*@ rain, it's like I never left home! Boss, I miss you already...
The Boss misses you too, Rick... every time she throws something!
12 June 2001
Test Pilots Wanted
Ten active, dedicated, creative pilots are being sought to run a test program that may help determine the future existence and structure of PGA. If you're interested, please e-mail Cap'n Dave at dlspurlock@aol.com as soon as possible.
Dondo Rescued
After his homebuilt SoloTrek suffered an engine failure and went down in the woods somewhere south of Seattle, and after rather miraculously surviving an obvious blow to the head, a forest fire, being dumped out of a firefighting B-17 onto the nest of a Great Horned Spotted Owl, being assaulted by rabid environmentalists, nearly being mauled by a bear, and a ride in the Society for the Preservation of Obviously Troubled Strigiformes (SPOTS) helicopter, he was located at Mahlon Sweet Field in Eugene, Oregon when his trusty hedgehog Daisy sniffed him out in the helicopter after SHE miraculously survived an emergency landing in a Citation with Cap'n Geoff.
When asked to comment on his adventure after a joyful reunion with his hedgehog, Dondo said:
I am hungry.
I do not like fire.
Bigfoot is real.
Do not fall out of airplanes.
Do not fly SoloTreks great diastances, espically ones that you build yourself.
I would like to thank the Acadamy, my producers, and my director.
(...)
Oh, don't forget the little people that made all this possible.
Daisy's only comment was to piddle on Cap'n Geoff's clean white shirt.
Top Pilots
Top pilot for this round was... was... PSST! Philippe! Where's that note you had about the top pilot?
Promotions
* Andy Booth (1046) has been promoted to Senior Captain (Cat. 1)
* Michael Turner (1029) has been promoted to Captain
* Grant Muckart (1024) has been promoted to Commercial Pilot
* Stuart Phillips (1138) has been promoted to Private Pilot
* Matthew Graveston (1163) has been promoted to Private PIlot
Congratulations all!
The End of Captain Blackadder
It's true. Captain Blackadder, who started out with BAC over two years ago and has been with PGA since the beginning, is no more.
Blackbox recordings indicate that Blackadder had just taken off from HAF when two USAF jets intercepted the plane. No warnings were given and, with a howling laugh, Captain Blackadder was gone.
Just prior to his untimely demise, Blackadder sent the following message to the Boss:
Okay time to explain whats happening. It all started a couple of months ago when one ouf your FBI chaps a Mr.....well his name doesn't matter...anyhow he contacted me. It seems that the US military had 'mislaid' a rather important piece of equipment. It originated from your Area 51 place - yes i know it doesn't exist...but this piece of kit, was, well it seemed to be something to do with Roswell. You remember Roswell, that was the place where the US didn't shot down a flying saucer.
Anyway, it seems this piece of kit is part of the 'stealth' project -but, and get this, it is for GA aircraft. Think about it a stealth Cessna!
Our Mr X in the FBI asked me to try and recover it. Without going into too many details its been quite interesting.
So thats the story.
Yes I have recovered the device, and am correctly en route to SFO.
I am affraid the other chaps caught up with me en route, so i have had to ditch the Baron and 'borrow' a Learjet - yes i know i should'nt have done that. But Agent Mulkins is not what he seems.
I am sending you this report from a small downtown hotel, in between swatting the bugs off the walls. Tomorrow if all goes well my contact in the UK should have given me the next stage of the plan.
Regards Blackadder
It's reported that Baldrick is devastated by the demise of his hero and friend, and has retreated to the cellar where he is writing a 1000-verse ode to the noble airman.
A moment of silence please for one of our finest. Blackadder's pilot number, 1020, is hereby being retired.
PGA (UK) Opens, Enjoys Brief Success, and Closes
We guess that pretty much says it all.
PILOT REPORTS
12 June 2001
Andy "Long Haul" Booth (1046) most ambitiously flew HWCPT10 in a Navajo, all in the interest of being able to get those last few hours to be eligible to fly a jet. For the record, that mission alone took andy 7.8 hours. Excellent work, Andy! Enjoy those jets!
Grant "Got GPS?" Muckart (1024) decided to spend his lunch hour flying from Travis Aero Club to Palo Alto. While he managed to get airborne "without too much trouble", the day was overcast with heavy rain and strong winds. He stayed under the clouds and was blown off course a few times, but before too long he saw his destination and so descended and turned to line up with the runway. Only one problem -- it wasn't Palo Alto, it was Parrett. He realized this at the last moment and just had time to shove in the power and get the flaps up so he could climb up and wheel around to locate the correct airfield in the distance, whereupon he glided down, reduced speed, applied flaps, and coasted in for a safe landing.
Lunch hour? Grant, the Boss says she'd like to have a word with you in her office...
Dylan "Clean Plane" Cummins (1016) has been going through the cleaning supplies of late, between chimps that got into everything and drunken passengers making technicolor yawns. Of the latter, he says they did give him a tip, but then asks if "be kind to your mother" counts as a tip.
Gee... not only was it a tip, but it was even a GOOD tip! What's he complaining about?
Michael "This is the Life" Turner (1029) was enjoying making parcels run over in UK, gloating merrily that "this is more like it eat your hearts out PGA SJC pilots I have a parcel run and these guys over here load your plane and unload it for you at the other end while you put your feet up and enjoy a nice cuppa ugh tea!!" and "it almost makes me sweat watching these guys load an unload my plane with a dispatcher yelling at them I sometimes think its all a dream -- this is living." He wondered idly if he could talk the Boss into getting someone to load and unload the planes back at SJC... the Boss, after she got through wiping up the coffee she'd spewed all over her desk at the thought, says that she'll be glad to, so long as we pay all those people who load and unload from Michael's paycheck.
Incidentally, Michael made Captain while flying those runs, and his very first PIREP as a Captain was nothing but complaints:
Well I dont know who it was who said being a Captain was all glamour and Respect from fellow Pilots but he, or was it a she? hmm, anyhow they told lies. I walked in the room this morning clean white shirt new gold on the shoulders, a new Cap and my smart black pants and no heads turned, no one stood up, and whats more when I said gday all I got was grunts, Captain Ha, thats rich. only thing that made my day was a good flight to the land of the kilt maybe it will happen here.
Joel "Rollercoaster" Rogers (1006) made a comeback this week, flying SRT8 (Boeing Field - SeaTac Int. - Tacoma Narrows -Olympia - Bremerton National - Port Angeles - Everett - Paine Field - Boeing Field) in his Beechjet in 2.13 hours. When questioned, he responded, "Did I ever put down the checklists? Not really! Did I ever put up the gear? Not much!"
Dondo "Class B Airspace?" (1087), having "dropped" his sectional charts (not to mention himself, his SoloTrek, and a few other items) on the way from Seattle, set out to learn the lay of the Bay Area without same. After his first couple of flights, he was asking if we had any old sectionals lying around. Apparently, his flight had gone okay, except for the crosswind. He doesn't have problems with crosswinds in Seattle, mind you, but here he could not keep the plane lined up on approach to save his life. He thought he would have it, and then a gust came along and the starboard wing hit the ground.
The Boss can only assume that he wants the sectional to help patch the wing of his plane, and suggests duct tape. However, after later receiving numerous phone calls from controllers in the Oakland area, she has reconsidered and will give him another.
Darby "Terrain Avoidance?" Willcox (1013) made the trek to jolly old England, and had a few observations about the place, including "It seems to be a very flat country," and "this country does not appear to be very big." Later on, however, he saw a hill, and was so overcome with excitement that he was compelled to go lie down for a bit.
John "Full Moon" Wilding (1121) took a load of scientists for a "sightseeing" flight around Lick Observatory, but was extremely dismayed to learn that they didn't want to take pictures. "Throughout the flight i kept hearing, "Uh huh huh huh, Lick", and "yeah, observe this!' while they mooned the observatory."
Too bad you weren't flying the MOONey...
After far too much time spent as Mr. Ripley's courier, David "Ho hum" Morgan (1014) made the flight from SJC to BFI in the interests of finding some new charter opportunities -- "And bloody hell was it long." Fortunately, he'd brought a book, and as the scenery, and hours, rolled by, he kept reading and watching the fuel gauge in the Baron going down bit by bit. He had hoped he would have enough for the trip in one go, but when his fuel reached half and he wasn't halfway there yet, it became obvious to him he'd have to stop at Portland.
Proceeding onwards, he got traffic advisories to Sea-Tac, then switched it to BFI at 100 DME. He commented on how much more tightly things are packed than in SFO, and while he expected a lot of traffic all he saw was a motorglider. Bienvenue à Seattle.
So was it a good book, at least?
Fred "I Hope" Brubaker (1033) was flying routes and says it was very foggy at Bremerton National on 16 May. Low and slow, he finally found the runway... he thinks. Did you ever get that sorted out, Fred?
Geoff "GRIND!" McLean (1071) got stuck at Kachess Lake in the dock, which as we all know is a real pain. Then, later on when he departed Bandera after "a perfect landing", the gear would not fully retract. He notified tower that he was going to do a belly landing. Despite the IFR conditions he found the airport okay and slowed down to about 60 KIAS. "I gently eased her down until I touched about 3/4 of the way down the runway... hoping I'd stop just at the dirt... but I stopped short of that. Never lost control. Sparks everywhere, but no fire. Better have Baldrick weld another plate on the bottom and check the landing gear."
It's obvious Geoff has been on board for a while.
Despite his reposting to the UK, Rick "Look Ma, No Hands!" Smith (1114) has been a major cause of headaches for the Boss of late, beginning with the business involving a Citabria "borrowed" from the "Soft Landings Flight School" and five drums of sheep dip. Later on, it was pictures of a yacht regatta and the "moisture buildup" in the cabin of the Trainer that somehow involved kelp and several small fish.
After narrowly missing being reposted to Nepal (only because he didn't have enough hours in a hang-glider), he was tagged to cart some gas cannisters over to Bristol. Fortunately, he found the HAZMAT "handling kit" in the back seat of the Trainer: "It consisted entirely of 2 well-worn welders' gloves (both for the left hand), and a pair of glasses with a fake nose and mustache attached. An attached note read: Please use these when transporting/handling hazardous materials. The gloves are obvious. The glasses are to wear so no one will be able to positively identify you as PGA personnel if you screw up.
Sincerely,
The Boss"
Peter "Scrape!" Moore (1084) reports that he had a good trip in the Renegade with wonderful scenery. He also reports a slight grounding on the mud while taxiing in, but that "no damage was done."
And the Boss would like to know what your definition of "damage" is, Peter?
Eivind "Paranoid?" Strom (1017) says he found himself in a very NARROW valley, and that his nav-lights got scratched off both wingtips. Perhaps that was a bit too narrow for the Mooney. But what bothered him more is the car driving wildly around at Bremerton National, because it seemed like it was trying to strike him. He thinks it might be Cap'n Dave driving that car... yes, Eivind, you have turned in all your PIREPs... but have there been ENOUGH PIREPs?
Lars Martin "Sardine" Knutsen (1108) asks, "here's a quiz for you: How much AirForce brass can you fit in the Arrow? As in why didn't anyone tell me there were four of them?" Although his plane was a bit heavy and cramped, he got over the mountains "almost without cutting any treetops." Fortunately, he figures there won't be any trouble as he finally figured out why a bottle of scotch is always carried in every PGA flight kit. "Oh.. and by the way, i need some more tape for the landing gear..."
Philippe "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Damerval (1007) had just over an hour's calm and uneventful flight followed by 15 minutes of sheer terror as his propeller "broke" 7 miles out of the SJC VOR on radial 172. "I don't know what happened to the broken propeller, but I wasn't too worried about it when I saw one of the blades plummeting to the ground - it's mountainous land out there! I hope it ends up giving an FAA inspector on a hike a good bump on the head." This, of course, assumes that FAA inspectors do things other than make life hellish for the rest of us.
He made it in to Scotts, however, albeit so fast that he overran the airstrip. Good thing the surrounding area is grass!
1 July 2001
Test Successful - PGA Joins the Matrix
PGA's tests of a proposed new system of operation have been held over the last two weeks in our ultra top-secret proving grounds, Area 51-1/2. The intrepid test pilots picked up on the idea in short order and dove in with both feet.
The overwhelming consensus is that it is a smashing success.
The basis of our new system of operation is a Matrix Game. Matrix Games are the creation of Chris Engle, a social therapist and inveterate gamer who developed the concept as a way to model situations non-mathematically. The Matrix Game concept is copyrighted by Chris Engle and Hamster Press, and is used for PGA with his permission. PGA is considerably more structured than the typical Matrix Game, but in part that's because we started out life as something else and so now are becoming sort of a hybrid between what we have been for the last two years and a Matrix Game.
All pilots are urged to review the new Operations Manual and take a look at the newly-visible "Area 51-1/2" forum to see how it works. Only the Test Pilots are allowed to post to the Area 51-1/2 forum at this time, to avoid confusion. Questions and comments should be posted to The Training Room.
You will still be able to use the existing missions (we're leaving them up) for those times when you're not able to drum up your own business, and of course this opens up opportunities to integrate your adventures and play off of one another. After all, when you get down to it, what is a VA but a type of roll-playing game? We're just the first VA to make it official.
Top Pilots
Top Pilot for this last round was Dave Spurlock (1094), who flew a total of 22.00 hours since the last update. This puts Cap'n Dave over the 700-hour mark.
Promotions
* Stuart Phillips (1138) was promoted to Private Pilot
* Matt "The Baron" (1111) was promoted to Private Pilot
* Olivier Gandou (1019) was promoted to Student Pilot
Congratulations all!
28 March 2002
PGA Management and Pilots Return from Amazon Adventure
After a sudden disappearance, several boring hours of flight punctuated by moments of intense excitement on the ground, weeks slogging over and through the Amazon jungle, suffering frustration and madness, listening to an endless stream of Elvis impersonations, being captured or avoiding being captured by the Pesh Pesh, rescuing or being rescued from the Pesh Pesh, chasing snails, and finally triumphantly returning with a Pilatus Porter slung under an improbable Sikorsky Skycrane, most of PGA management and several pilots finally returned to San Jose this week, there to resume normal flight duties.
As reward for their heroic duty, each pilot who participated in the adventure will be receiving one (1) gold bar, to be added to the roster to commemorate their participation and/or otherwise reward them for helping us all to have a lot of fun. Those pilots (and mechanic) are as follows:
The Boss
Mr Boss
Cap'n Dave
Rick Smith
Pooter Pilot
Dondo
The Flying Avo
Captain Geoff
Lukexcom
Andy "Long Haul" Booth
Mac the Wrench
Great job, everyone!
What is This Gold Bar Thingy?
Or How do I Put it to Use?
By Cap'n Dave
First off I want to thank each and every pilot who participated in our adventure down south. I think I can safely say that a good time was had by all. There were frustrating moments I am sure, but all’s well that ends well.
As mentioned in my notes on the front page, pilots who played along with our adventure should soon see the item “One Gold Bar” appended somewhere to their stats on the Main Roster. This will happen as soon as "Marvin" is restored to service (hopefully soon).
This item marks you as one of the distinguished pilots within the PGA ranks. But perhaps you would rather have something a little more tangible for your efforts. (Well, as tangible as anything gets at PGA.) You can do that too. Here’s how:
1. I will be willing to redeem any pilot’s gold bar from him for cash.
2. The gold bar can be exchanged for any other PGA goal, that is virtual cash, personal planes, promotions etc. It can be also be cashed in for a combination of goals.
3. The basic value of the gold bar is set at $100,000. So a pilot may attempt to exchange the gold bar for other goals up to that amount.
4. To do so, send a standard Matrix Game Argument to me, Cap’n Dave, not your supervisor, via email or ICQ. State clearly what it is you want in exchange and its or their total value in cash.
5. I will rate the argument using $100,000 as the baseline. If the value is $100,000 even then the argument will be rated Strong. The Argument Strength will go up or down accordingly, depending on what you are asking for.
6. Once the argument is rated, then the standard Matrix Game die roll will settle the issue.
7. If you fail in your argument, you may renegotiate and ask again. You should ask for less. Be warned, I will rate repeated arguments that change nothing at a lower Argument Strength than they started with.
I hope several of you would be willing to keep the “One Gold Bar” as the status symbol it is meant to be. But I recognize some of you are at critical and expensive stages of you PGA career and have other goals. That’s why the Boss and I came up with a way for you to pursue those goals.
Both of us desire that pilots participate in the adventures. We don’t want a pilot punished in any way for doing so. So until the next adventure:
Happy Flying!
--Cap’n Dave
New Planes Added to PGA Fleet
Three new planes have recently been added to the PGA fleet, all of which soon should be available for charters. These include the Pilatus Porter recently retrieved from the depths of the Amazon jungle, the decrepit DC-3 that The Boss won in a high-stakes cribbage game in Juneau, Alaska, and a Corsa... er, very rare Inverted-Low-Wing V-77 Stinson Reliant.
While Pooter Pilot and Mac the Wrench brought the Porter home from Barcelos under its own power, it still needs a bit of TLC before it's ready for charters. This shouldn't be too long in the happening, though.
Cap'n Dave will attest to the fact that the DC-3 is a long way from anything even resembling airworthy, we're afraid. The plan is to restore the craft and put it to work doing flightseeing tours of the Bay Area.
Yes, in fact now that you mention it, the ILW Stinson V-77 DOES look a lot like a Corsair, but we assure you it's most definitely NOT a Corsair. I mean, since it would be illegal for us to have salvaged a vintage warbird and carted it home, had it in fact BEEN a Corsair, we would never have kept it and would have left it where it was and reported the find to the U.S. Government right away, just as required by law. No, this is, in fact, an extremely rare Stinson, and any resemblance to a Vought F4U-1 Corsair is purely coincidental. In any event, it needs to be put back together before it can be flown.
We'll keep you posted as the aircraft become available for charters.
New Face in the Office
Pilots may notice a new face in the office of late. "Priscilla" returned from the Amazon jungle on the arm of Baldrick and in the Hawker flown by Cap'n Dave. She doesn't read or speak a word of English, and will be handling all of the filing and answering the phone when the FAA calls. At least until she learns English. In addition, she is in charge of ensuring that the coffeepot is kept full.
All pilots are asked to be sensitive to the fact that Priscilla comes from a primitive culture and as such may not be familiar with all of our modern conveniences or even the most basic customs such as wearing clothing at all times. Anyone caught teaching Priscilla tricks such as exploding small rodents in Cap'n Richard's microwave will be given the manure run to Moskowite during a thunderstorm at night, then made to clean the plane afterwards.
Cap'n Dave Passes 1000 Hours
In the middle of all of the excitement, it seems that Cap'n Dave "1000 Hour Stare" Spurlock became the first PGA pilot to hit the 1000 hour mark in service to PGA. Cap'n Dave joined PGA in January 2000, and has been extremely active in management and generally keeping this VA going through some very difficult times. We all owe a lot to Cap'n Dave.
In honor of his service, Cap'n Dave is hereby awarded the first ever (and probably only) Silver Priming Crank Handle award. Congratulations Cap'n Dave!
Cap't Flaps Receives FAA's Highest Award
Cap't Flaps recently received the FAA's most coveted award for excellence in flight safety and procedures. The trophy, bearing the image of a winged pig in full flight, was apparently designed to symbolize the firm belief of the FAA that no pilot -- much less a PGA pilot -- would ever win this award.
Congratulations, Cap't Flaps. Keep up the good work!
The Boss and Mr Boss Celebrate 1 Year of Wedded... Bliss?
On March 27, 2001, The Boss eloped to Haines, Alaska, with PGA pilot #1007 -- he who has become "Mr Boss." Despite (or perhaps it's because of...) the existence of the priming crank handle and a marble rolling pin, the two have just celebrated their first wedding anniversary.
"I must confess, I married her because she was the first woman I met in America who could make a decent cup of coffee," claims Mr Boss, a Frenchman who apparently decided that her coffee was good enough to cause him to move to Alaska.
When asked why the usually-sensible Boss consented to elope only three days after having actually met Mr Boss in person, she would only smile.
Happy Anniversary to The Bosses!